Kiss it with a K
by Paper Lanterns And Yogurt
Summary: Better than highschool and only one step away from the burning gates of damnation. Not bad. "Listen Neji, if you're going to be a curmudgeon you shouldn't have agreed to come with me to a beauty pageant."
1. Chapter 1

**Kiss it with a (K)**

* * *

His nose was bleeding and none of the reasons for it were satisfactory.

"How do I look?"

_False. Gaudy. Plastic. Hot as hell__._

Brains required blood, but his were dribbling out of his nasal cavities at such an alarming rate he was becoming lightheaded. At best he managed, "Are those implants?"

Tenten narrowed her eyes at him, disgust written all over her powdered face.

"No wonder people think you're gay." She spun on her heel to the vanity, scrutinizing her features again as she adjusted her top. Sneering over her shoulder she told him, "If you must know, chest bindings do wonders when it comes to concealing unwanted sacks of fat."

Inwardly Neji grimaced at what that meant his cousin wore. (She did say she wanted to attract Naruto's eye more.) The prodigy felt a shiver of cold fear dart down his spine, leaving him unprepared as a handkerchief covered in lipstick smooches collided with his face. Neji wonders if he just got his first "almost-kiss" until Tenten is glaring at him again.

"Clean up your nose, you raspberry-faced tart."

**Kiss it with a (K)**

The mission was stupid, but it was just the high-ranking mission the two could use after the lull in interesting assignments ever since Orochimaru's attack. Both of them were fifteen and the novelty of chunin was wearing off very quickly. Neji was already getting recommendations for jounin and a specialized A-rank would definitely seal the deal.

Now if only this mission wasn't located in the cesspools of the social world...

"Beauty pageant, who'dya thought." Tenten smacked her ruby lips, using a tissue to wipe the excess from her teeth. "Not Sakura, not Ino, not even _Hinata_ or any of the various kunoichi no one seems to know the names of. They chose lil' ole Tenten like she's got some hidden beauty besides some big C's and even bigger hips."

For the umpteenth time Neji tried to keep his gaze above his teammate's neck.

"Then they stick me with Neji Hyuga because he's got longer hair. I thought chicks dig rugged man from the southern parts. Don't give me that look Neji, it was either you or Lee and you know Lee wouldn't even pass for my dog... though he does play a good fetch." The eyeliner now. Tenten applied it with deadly precision, her hand steady, using it in exactly the right areas to brighten up her eyes. Her make-up were just like her weapons, meticulous and deadly.

How could she make something as simple as eyeliner look alluring? Neji bit his tongue and tried to look affronted.

Ten minutes later he didn't have to fake his vehement disdain.

"Tenten you look like a prostitute in that dress."

She grinned, her smile bigger with the fake cherry blush enhancing her cheekbones and crimson lipstick accentuating her lips. "Thanks! I got it from one!" She sashayed around to get used to her new pair of black stilettos, making Neji blink rapidly and sniff the air, worrying that there was too much lavender perfume frying his frontal lobes.

"We better head off. A lady is never late." She winked at him like she knows the definition of the word lady and hooked her arm with his, dragging him through the doors of the vanity and with her to the hotel lobby where the other divas were waiting.

**Kiss it with a (K)**

He felt like a cheap hooker, every single woman bypassing them scanning their eyes over his body as if he were a pair of earrings. Neji straightened his cuffs, hoping Tenten felt as out-of-place as he did that moment. Though she was striding along the carpeted hallway, an aura of confidence exuded by her prize-winning smile, Tenten could easily be a bundle of frayed nerves on the inside. It was part of being a ninja, hiding your emotions for all circumstances, and from experience Neji knew Tenten was one of the best there was.

He surmised darkly maybe that was the reason Tenten was chosen for this mission.

The lobby of the hotel they were staying at was warm and well-lit, the perfect evening glow. It was the afternoon of the first day, the two having signed in just a few hours before, and already the area was filled with the contestants.

Neji noted how all of them were experts. Their keen vigilance of the competition followed by looks of experience caused him to be more aware about the kunoichi by his side. Their mission was to participate in this pageant, securing as much information they can soak out of the other candidates and judges on the social affairs of various high-ranking executives, and then assassinate a man known as Kazumi Toragawa for suspected drug trafficking. It was to be a tedious process involving the utmost of stealth. Failure would likely result in international trouble for their country, meaning, as Tenten put it before they left, "There isn't going to be any failure at all then."

With his resolve strengthened Neji grasped Tenten's hand to lead her over to the sign-up table.

She took his newfound determination with a cheeky smile, leaning towards him as they approached a balding, overweight man in a suit.

Nori Yatsumoto. The name flashed through Neji's mind as he perceived exactly what the man was thinking. His tiny eyes, mere pits surrounded by the vast flesh of his face, roamed over Tenten's body as if she were a steak. Nori was most likely picturing her naked, trapped beneath his gargantuan weight (probably suffocating Neji chuckled inwardly). An appreciative grin dimpled his meaty cheeks, glancing down to the clipboard before immediately going back to perusing the young woman and asking for her name.

This man was obscene.

He was perfect.

Tenten indulged his inner fantasies, letting go of Neji to subliminally put all of her attention onto Nori, even if she could castrate and behead this incredibly idiotic little man in less then ten seconds. She enraptured him just as quickly, her chocolate hair unbound so that it swept over one of her shoulders when she inclined her head. Her smokey auburn eyes, genjutsu-based contacts used to make them more enchanting than they already were, focused solely on Nori while she spoke her false name in a low undertone. It rolled off her lips, wisps of melted chocolate pouring from her mouth straight to Nori's ears- and subsequently, his groin.

"My name is Izanami Yin."

**Kiss it with a (K)**

"All of these men are cunts."

Neji sipped his iced tea, immensely glad that they were seated directly by the air conditioner in the hotel cafe. The room full of pageant girls had been nothing short of the inside of a bedazzled oven. He welcomed the chill.

In front of him sat Tenten with all of the grace of a lady, talking with all of the fury of a woman getting a rash from her corset.

"Explain," Neji implored softly, his own eyes settling upon the ripples in his beverage. To everyone else he was merely Izanami's distant cousin-in-law of some sort to keep her from getting into any trouble. See, Izanami had a habit of getting too comfy with people, judges in particular, so she needed someone that could keep her in line. Someone handsome, with a questionable sexuality, who may or may not enjoy being physically close to Izanami more than needed; at least that was what Neji drew from the description of his persona, Li Shenshun.

Really, just who came up with these names?

Tenten eased next to him, appearing as if she was gossiping with Li something juicy she found. In reality she was gritting her teeth and spewing the most profane swear words right into his ear canal.

"These fucking shoes are killing my feet. They're tearing my goddamn toes into bacon strips. Just who the fuck was vacant enough to think tying straps together connected to a platform was a good idea for women? Men, that's what. Cock-guzzling fuckholes good-for-nothing lechers! Did you see that taint-muzzle at the registration counter? Fatass wouldn't stop staring at my tits. Motherfucker. And this_dress_, Neji. It's like I'm wearing nothing at all in this glittery tenga-top. I'm don't even have underwear under this, Sakura told me it would reveal panty lines. Which lubed asshole makes a dress so tight it shows _panty lines_? You don't even need Byakugan to see my nipples now. Goddammit, I am so hungry too, but I can't eat or else I might pop a button or, so fucking help me, look healthy. Did you see the other contestants? They'd disappear if they turned sideways. Fuck me until July, this mission sucks so many sweaty ballsacks right now."

Neji noted, rather dryly, that his birthday was in July.

"Have you tried the tea?"

**Kiss it with a (K)**

* * *

A/N: Got nothing wrong with beauty pageants so refrain from any pageant-bashing since the story is not focused on that. Just trying a different setting than high school and seduction missions but cliched enough to probably be both. I have literally no direction with where this is going but I hope it'll be sexy somewhat. P.S. I strive very hard to make Tenten's swearing as colorful as possible. I should get a reward for that.

fun notes: Yin Izanami and Li Shenshun are references from another anime. Li Shenshun is poor Chinese using the most common Chinese first name and the drunken mispronunciation of the word student in Chinese. So in truth Neji's alias is named Student Li.

Also, tenga. Look it up. edit: if you read this and you saw the name Hitomi it's really supposed to be Izanami. I changed the names last minute but probably forgot some. edit2: fuck I misused the word boudoir its supposed to be more like a vanity I'm changing every chapter now


	2. Chapter 2

**Kiss it with a (K)**

* * *

"Miss Izanami, I think he's suffocating..."

The maid tentatively bit her lower lip, flushed from ear to ear as she beheld the model practically ravaging her associate. There were rumors that Li was Izanami's relative, but with the amount of canoodling they were always doing the entire staff perceived it was only a cover-up. Especially when they were making-out every time they were seen...

Izanami rose from Li's lips, his eyes slightly rolled up and lipstick smeared down his chin, to face the intruder. She smiled, breathless, and said, "Thank you, I didn't realize how fast time had flown. Tell them I'll be down for the prompting in just a moment." The maid, a virgin named Kari from what Tenten found out, nodded rapidly before fleeing, her face hidden in her hands.

Tenten laughed and rolled off Neji, her multitude of frills splaying out over both of them as she savored the silken bedsheets they laid upon.

"Do you sleep on comfy stuff like this?" she wondered, ignorant to her state of disorder.

Neji took in large gulps of air, unable to answer until he regained all of the oxygen he had lost. "I-I prefer cotton...," he got up from the king-sized bed they shared, noting that Tenten merely stretched out to accomodate the space he had left, and went to the massive vanity they brought, previously stashed in one of Tenten's scrolls.

"Meanwhile, you need to re-apply your make-up for the prompting." His eyes widened when he saw himself in the mirror, swiftly patting his unkempt hair back down. "A-and I need to take off mine."

His teammate replied with more cackling.

**Kiss it with a (K)**

Izanami Yin hadn't been a model for long, and even then she took a year long hiatus for medical reasons. She was well-known from Konoha, being fairly popular for her flirtatious ways and ability to woo every person she came across. Being a bigger model helped as well.

"Izanami, darling," cooed one of the other contestants, a blond woman that reminded Izanami of a certain Yamanaka. If Ino was a plastic barbie doll. "How do you pull it off? You're so plump yet you continue doing pageants with all these skinnier women. If I was in your body I'd be too embarrassed to show even an inch of skin."

Neji felt the need to roll his eyes. This was not the first time anyone has commented about Tenten's weight. For some reason people think that physical attributes were the all-time worry for females.

Instead Li didn't blink as Izanami fluttered her long lashes and giggled, strategically placing an arm underneath her bust to push up her larger cleavage. "If you got it, flaunt it, hon. I've found plenty to be, ah, _admired_ for." To add injury to insult she snuck a glance to the other contestant's nearly flat chest, grinning further as she stared at her competitor head-on.

The other woman, something along the names of Ai Hitsugaya, simply agreed before walking off. If Li was listening, which he totally wasn't as his attention was on squishier things, he would have said she stalked away in a huff.

Izanami dropped her arm victoriously, only to begin groping her own chest. Right there, in the very public lobby, for all other men to see.

"What do you think, Li? Aren't they big enough?" She made a pouty face at him, ignoring all of the other gazes that rested upon Izanami and Izanami's rack.

Li, stoic as ever, nodded once. "You have a gorgeous set, milday."

This pleased the delegate, who wrapped her arms around Li's bicep and snuggled her nose into his collar. "Hmm, you are too kind! Come, I want to take a tour of the gardens. I hear the apples this time of year are so _ripe_ and _juicy_, practically big red orbs _begging_ to be eaten. Come, Li, come!" Izanami whisked Li out of the main entrance, eyes wide as she panted slightly at the thought of _large, succulent apples_.

When she left the entire lobby was silent.

**Kiss it with a (K)**

Not even the misty predawn air could cure the warmth building inside of the Hyuga, gnawing at his lungs, making it hard to breath.

Tenten continued to be oblivious.

"Gosh those people are easy. I flash some boobies and suddenly no one in there can think."

Tell me about it, Neji thought, eying one of the apples Tenten was talking about. They were rather lush... "Have you developed a plan of attack? I don't think earning the ire of all the other girls was a wise idea, but then again I am unsure of how the minds of pageant women work." Oh look, he actually sounded intelligent. Neji gave himself a mental pat on the back for his composure, which had steadily been beaten down every time he found his mouth pressed against his teammate's.

Yes, his teammate. Nothing more, nothing less.

"I've decided I might as well shake up the pageant world while I'm at it. Ever heard of a singer named Mistress Jaja? Something like that. With kodachi bras and a throne of men in thongs." Tenten dreamily looked into the distance, chewing on an apple and basking in the sunrise. Neji almost believed the scene was poetic.

A beat. "Wait, men wear thongs?"

**Kiss it with a (K)**

Not to be rude but gay men attract women like moths to a lit flame.

Li found himself cut off from Izanami that evening. Surrounded by the other delegates he answered their questions about her with a cool face and a sly smirk, making sure that they were as enraptured with Izanami as he was.

"So, you're gay, but you've been seen making out with your cousin?" Aoi Megumi, a beach queen from wave country, inquired teasingly. She nudged Li in the side, winking at him. "Sounds a bit sketchy, don't you think?"

"I assure you, the feelings are purely lustful. Izanami is a needy woman and keeping her away from the other, more susceptible, males would be for everyone's benefits." This caused an even bigger tizzy of questioning, which Li slowly began to redirect onto safer waters. And by safer waters he meant discussing the joys of rimming.

"Your partner has to be fully relaxed before you proceed..."

"I suggest a generous amount of lubricant whenever you have a hand."

"Why yes I have taken eight-inches. It's better after the first five."

By the end of it Li had fully told all of the women his entire sex history, all of which he fabricated from the homoerotic novels he researched to help educate himself on his alias. He still did not know why the Hokage possessed such an impressive stash of pornography, and he'd rather rip through his midsection with a rusted knife than find out.

Thankfully Izanami interrupted them to call out that the various events were organized. Li found himself with the other 'associates' in the lobby, of which he was beginning to dislike due to its constant heat.

Takumi Shouta was the first to approach, a younger man of average height with mahogany hair and freckles. He inspected Li from top to bottom with a hard frown. To him Li was a rather tall, pale man with crystal blue eyes and long dark hair tied into a high ponytail. His suit did nothing to hide his muscles, even accentuating his wide shoulders and narrow waist. For a second Li was suspecting Takumi to come onto him, but was relieved from potential advances when Mr. Shouta sneered instead.

"Don't think that just because your precious Izanami's has some potential that she'll be able to woo the judges. She's clearly an amateur, resorting to seduction to get her way. She lacks the class most of the other girls have, like my Ai." Takumi stood confidently, as if he had just put a dog in its place.

Meanwhile, Li was busy analyzing which pressure points he should hit should the need arise. He snapped out of it fast enough to smile disarmingly. "I apologize, Miss Izanami was not born to such a sophisticated family as lady Ai has. But I promise she has a lot to show the others."

Takumi made no try at hiding his disdain, sticking up his nose. "She's already ruined her first-impression. Common folk like her could never compete with a goddess such as Ai, raised under the highest tutelage by the Earth daimyo himself!" His voice rang through the hall, making sure to attract the ears of the other males. Li simply raised an eyebrow at him.

"The Earth daimyo? Sounds classy indeed."

Hot-headedly, Takumi seemed pleased to know that he was 'winning' and continued talking, amping up his volume the more he flapped his gums. "Yes, the Earth daimyo! A highly respectable man who has graced Ai with grand resources and praise! Her face is known throughout Earth country thanks to his influence! Soon he'll spread her to the other lands as well, especially your precious Leaf village! Why, in fact, he's planning to -"

"Takumi!"

Ai's shrill cry broke off any chance of Takumi continuing his tirade, much to Li's annoyance. The blond heiress stomped over to the speckle-faced man, grabbing him by the knot of his tie in a claw-like grip. Li made a note of how sharp her nails were.

"I could hear you all the way down the hall! You're so loud sometimes I wanna put a muzzle on your mouth!" she gnashed her teeth together, bodily hauling Takumi away with her. Several of the other delegates had appeared as well, already whispering to one another on what they had just witnessed.

Right when Li believed the heat was about to die down Izanami was at his side, practically baking him alive as she wrapped her arms around his sides and made a stupid duck-like face.

"Awww, did that meanie scare you Li-Li?" she cooed obnoxiously. "Here, I'll kiss it better."

And she did.


	3. Chapter 3

**Kiss it with a (K)**

* * *

It's been ten minutes and she still would not stop laughing at him.

"Even _I_ don't know what docking is!" she hollered, rolling around on their shared bed. Neji was thankful that the rooms held such thick walls, less his shame be felt by the other competitors.

Instead he narrowed his eyes and spoke through a clenched jaw, "Should I enlighten you?"

His response was more chortling.

"Just think about it, Nej!" Tenten exclaimed. "You! And another guy! _The sixty-ni-_ _Oomph!_" She was shoved off of the bed with a not-so-gentle Air Palm, rolling with the blow across the soft carpet to land in a heap on the carpeted floor. As she stood, still giggling, she smoothed down the red babydoll she was currently wearing that almost made up for the embarrassment her teammate had just suffered.

"I'd rather you don't bring up my persona," Neji grumbled, a warning placed at the edge of his voice.

Tenten merely raised a delicate eyebrow as she sauntered back toward the bed. "And if I do?" she inquired lowly, getting back on the mattress as Neji sat down on his own side. He glared at her, but after years of teamwork she was very much immune, simply leaning closer. "Tell me, pretty boy, what'chya gonna do? What'chya gonna do when they come for you?"

She cocked her head to the side, the gauntlet thrown down with a challenge in her gaze.

"If you do I will ...," Neji growled out, his nose pressed against Tenten's, eyes flashing, breath mingling, tension rolling- "... _do this_."

Within the same blink he grabbed her sides, his fingers like angry spiders against her skin. Tenten's haughty stance crumbled into raucous hyena barking, falling onto the sheets as Neji took this chance to get on top of her and exact his glorious revenge.

"Ne- Nej - _Li!_ Stop it! Stop it!" She twisted and turned to free herself but all attempts were futile under the force of Neji's hands. He gave a sickly satisfied grin as he reduced his strong-willed teammate into a heaving, squirming mess without even the use of chakra. A part of him found it hilarious that Tenten was ticklish, especially when he had attacked her without know the fact beforehand, while another faction of his head told him that he should get off of her before she discovered his erection.

His decision was made for him when Tenten managed to kick him off of her, sending his body to the wall and producing a _pop_ from his shoulder blades. In his moment of shock she was upon him and -

**Kiss it with a (K)**

That was how the staff found them, clawing, biting, and rolling around the room. As Neji extricated himself from Tenten's body - via dropping her like a bucket full of warm piss where she unceremoniously bounced on top of their bed that was now missing its sheets - his first instinct was to bite his tongue so hard it bled. With his mouth full of O-positive he prepared himself to explain why his shirt was literally just his bowtie and the right arm sleeve (sans a cufflink) while Tenten appeared as if she was savaged by King Kong.

His breathe welled in his lungs when Kari, a servant that reminded him of his cousin with the way her face turned red at anything perverse, surveyed the damage. His gaze followed hers, trekking across the suite to land upon a lamp toppled to the ground, its lampshade hanging off of the ceiling fan, the vanity with all of its contents thrown to the floor, a crimson strip of fabric that suspiciously resembled half of Tenten's babydoll, and both offenders covered lipstick smooches across their shoulders.

Tentatively Neji opened his mouth and pulled out a long string of hair, realizing that it was cocoa brown and wavy. This was not his hair.

In his disgust a moment of silence was taken. It was Tenten who came to the rescue, making some sort of whiny noise from the back of her throat as she pouted at him. "_Aaaahhnnn, Li_! You made a ruckus! Now the fun is all ruined!"

"M'lady," Neji found himself automatically dropping his head subserviently, "my apologies. I will promise our antics will not be so deafening next time."

This pleased Tenten, who smiled whilst licking her lips at the audience. "Sorry you guys!" she winked for emphasis. "I'll make sure we're quiete next time! Silent as a mouse, promise! If not, I'll make it up to you in any way you want!" From her position on the floor, at the foot of the bed, she pressed her hands and forehead to the floor. In any other situation this move would have been highly respectful, but with her clothes ripped everyone was suddenly aware of the slim black panties covering her rear and the room rose several more degrees again.

Kari managed to regain her voice in time before the situation to got worse. "Th-that is m-much fine - _I mean_ - uhm, yeah that's okay! I-I MEAN - uh, you should really, you know, put some clothes on? Oh, I mean! Uhm! I'm te-terribly sorry, Miss Yin! I-I- uh, _have a good night's sleep!_" She bowed so low her knees nearly met her legs as she swung the door close, the sound of footsteps running away in terror reverberating through the halls._  
_

Tenten wiggled her butt victoriously. "That got rid of them," she said, smugness written all over her face.

Her Hyuga partner-in-crime gave a lengthy sigh as he reached up and grabbed the lampshade from the ceiling fan. "I an having doubts that you want to complete the mission. Our second day here and all we've done is molest each other. It feels like I'm in a chapter of that Icha-Icha-Paradise book. We haven't even met Toragawa." Already their mission was on the brink of failure, something Neji found himself not caring as much as he should have.

What the hell was going wrong with him?

"Fear not, Watson!" The brunette woman got back onto the bed, sitting on it in lotus position. "For Sherlock Holmes is already on the case! Yesterday, when we were getting signed up I looked at Nori's clipboard. It had all of the names of the other contestants and which rooms they're all in. I was able to memorize it while he was busy staring at me, thankfully. Also, when we went to eat the apples I found it strange how we were the only ones outside even though it was much cooler than the lobby, which, if you haven't noticed, is boiling. When you went to the cafe attached to the lobby, I had asked Kari on the way. She told me that the temperature has always been that way. Why no one is outside still confounds me but I believe I have an idea."

"I'm positive the temperature and Toragawa's drug business are related, but I just don't know _how_ since I haven't got the foggiest clue why cocaine needs to be hot. Why would he keep the place insulated and why is everyone inside all of the time? This can't be normal. Today while you were distracting the other women with your homo-fantasies I had the liberty of snooping around the halls. I didn't find much but I noticed that one door in particular was very cold underneath, meaning that someone is running fans. This is where you come in." Tenten turned to rummage through her suitcase then, pulling out a camera. "It was easy to get this thing past security since we're in Wind Country at the moment and they think we're tourists, but tomorrow they're holding a meeting where all of the girls have to attend so during that time you need to go to room 406 and get inside to take some pictures. If you can't risk touching something use Byakugan and record its contents. We'll go over them tomorrow night and deduce any other facts."

Dumbly Neji nodded to all of Tenten's comments, realizing just how much effort she had already put into the mission while he remained distracted. She was always the one who looked into the tiny details, made connections, and memorized it all at a remarkable speed. Since she was naturally an easy thing to overlook she used that to her advantage. Enemies scoffed at her only to be wiped out in droves underneath a rain of steel. It was so peculiar, this mousey woman who can be seen in so many facets yet ultimately accumulating into the same bun-haired woman he has known for years.

With startlingly clarity Neji came to one single conclusion:

_How much perfume is in this room?_


End file.
